Getting Married Under 25

Photo by James Douglas @TJDStudio

After celebrating our first wedding anniversary, one of the most common things people asked me (after saying congratulations) was... "do you give up your youth when you settle down?" It's a valid concern I guess, but I can honestly say I have done more adventurous things in the last four years with Jake than I have in my entire life. Sure you may not catch me out at the bar every Friday and Saturday night, but that's only because my priorities have changed. I'm not looking for someone anymore and it's expensive AF to keep up with the constant weekend nightlife, especially when you're now paying for two. Preferably, I'd rather save the money to spend on experiences and moments, like traveling to Greece with 20 of our friends! Now don't get me wrong, if it's a special occasion, like a birthday or something, I'll come out no problem, but I can't meet you at Dive Bar at 1am every Saturday just for shits and gigs ...and quite frankly I don't want to. Catch me on my couch, cuddling and watching Netflix... no shame. It doesn't mean I don't care about my friends anymore or that I've become "boring", it's honestly just the ease of being able to be "taken home" without spending money getting hammered first and hoping for the slightest compatibility ...cause at the end of the day isn't that what we're all out there looking for anyways? Can't blame me for the convenience...

Photo by James Douglas @TJDStudio

But all jokes aside, I've gotten a lot of questions about marriage. To be honest, married life isn't much different than dating ...you just try harder. Now what do I mean by that? First, look at the way you fight with your significant other. Most couples fight in the mindset of "me"; they don't think about a different point of view or how the other person is feeling. Rather, their partner's feelings get trumped by how they were personally effected in the situation and everything else gets pushed to the wayside. It's because of this that more often than not, couples fight with one foot out the door. We have this "my way or the highway" mindset that if you don't see things the same or totally agree on everything you weren't compatible. Commonly, you're in a relationship and something bad happens, it's easy because you can assume you weren't right for each other, chalk the relationship up as a loss and get out. Why do we do this?  In marriage, there is no out (or at least not one that I believe in). When you get into a major fight, it's not like dating where your friends console you and then say, "So what are you going to do, can you forgive him?"  This is your spouse. Your partner through thick and thin. So when the going gets tough... you need to work it out. There is no perfect couple, everyone fights at some point in time, it's just whether or not you put in the effort to fix it.

Marriage has taught me what it truly means to be a partner. Now I don't mean partner as in solely your significant other, but partner as in team. In the Greek church, there is a crowning ceremony during the wedding, which establishes the couple as the King and Queen of their home, which they rule with wisdom, justice and integrity. The crowns refer to martyrdom, since every true marriage involves self-sacrifice on both sides and a ribbon joins the two crowns to symbolize the unity of the couple and the presence of God who blesses and joins them. Despite the religion you believe in (if any), I think the message behind this is so special. You two are in this together, "until death do you part", which is why in being a partner the most important thing is compromise. I think why Jake and I work so well together is because at the end of the day we both put ourselves second when it comes to each other ...and the second you can comfortably put someone else's needs before your own you'll truly understand the beauty of love. ​

Photo by Brian Ator